Amerikkkan Love Story
I should have known you’d never truly love me
By the way you’ve always treated me differently publicly then in private
Secretly fascinated by my curves, the instinctual sway of my hips
kinky hair, the soothing soul in my voice and the fullness of my lips
For a very long time you’ve considered me more property than family
And no matter how much I’ve
Cooked for you
Cleaned up after you
Nursed your children
Built your businesses
Inspired your art
Given you rhythm and poured out my blues
Lately, I find it challenging to pledge my allegiance to you. To call you great.
Or feel like you are a safe place for me to be loved
Or to even call you my home….
I’ve tried to love you…
But you never loved me back.
You see my differences as weakness, but what you haven’t realized is that I’m learning that I cannot love you because you were never meant for me to love.
You’ve only comfortable around me when I’m entertaining you
It’s cool when I sing and dance for you because
You’re more of a pimp than a companion
Soaking every good thing you can from me until I start to believe you when you say I’m ugly.
Even though you’ve trained your daughters to emulate everything about me, and claim it for their own.
I should have known it wasn’t love when you brought me to you
Stole my crown
Gave me your name
Forced me to surrender everything I knew of myself as if I THIS were a marriage,
A partnership and not enslavement.
As if the marks that you left on my body weren’t enough
Or if the strange fruit you picked regularly wasn’t a warning
Or Foreshadowing for where our relationship stands now.
It’s like the holes you left in our history keep me lost
You want me to forget who I am
What I’m capable of
That I was greatness before you entered into my life
I shoulda known…
This can’t be love because you’ve left my sons lying bloody in the streets
You’ve funneled drugs and disease through my loved ones then violently ripped them away from me
Incarcerating their loved
Leaving me to single-handedly build communities
You make it clear that I’m too melanated to be your sweetheart
That my curls and kinks makes you too uncomfortable around me.. unless it’s creamy cracked and tamed like you want me to behave you can’t admire my beauty.
I should have known this wasn’t love when you called me ugly names and treated me violently in public
You almost made me forget that I am beautiful
That I am magic
That I should be proud because I am black, not in spite of it
Next time I have to remind you that ‘I matter’ I will remind myself that you never cared
I will accept your silence for what it is
Not allow how you feel about me make me bitter
Use my anger for change, and reclaim what is mine
One day you WILL give me what I’m due
Amerikkka, you never loved me because I was never yours to love
You will never understand me
Accept me or respect me, unless you change me
And you can’t
You were never great to me
Let’s just admit that the was never a love story
Poem Written by Asha J. Watson AKA Purple Reign, (C) 2020
No part of this poem may be copied, duplicated or manufactured without the written consent of the author.